Autumn

I refuse to feel this
I will mourn the stone
Not what lies beneath
I will not feel this

As the pain builds
With the days that increase
The force of my resistance
Only adds to the ease of my breaking

I have hardly any leaves left to fall
As the rot of autumn fills the air
I walk belonging through this field of the dead
Casting circles unitl my final resting place is found

Such wasted hope and faith
Even the strongest structures erode with time
Now I chase shadows in the ruins that remain
Haunted by the echoes of songs long since lost

I admit that I am jealous
Not of your love for him
But for that you are happy
And I am not the cause

No longer is it mine to witness,
Your rise, your falls, your touch, smile and laughter
Never even mine again to make certain
Your happy in each moment of my sadness

But I will not feel this
I can neither afford or allow
I have no more leaves left to fall
As the rot of another winter fills the air


copyright Mark Anthony Games / Diary Of A Broken Child. 2011